As a regular masquerader, feter and resident hooligan, I find myself often being asked questions by non-carnival oriented friends about carnival and how it all works.

Have you noticed that when your trying to explain carnival, you can’t quite put into words your amazing experiences… And more disappointing they just never get it?

So I’ll be breaking down the most popular questions your non-masquerading friends would ask to annoy the shit out of you.

1 and 2 are below for you today (below). The rest will be posted soon, so keep a look out for them.

1. The Holiday Request

The minute you put in a holiday request at work the famous question ‘going anywhere nice?’ Is asked and you reply with your destination in which they proceed to tell you all the tourist info they know about the place which you know you may never see if the liquor conquers you. It’s an awkward moment and you have to stop them and say you are going ‘for carnival’ in which they look at you like My Lord not another carnival trip and cannot fathom why you would spend so much of your holiday on ‘a street party’ (Yes I know it even hurt my soul to write that)

What many fail to realise is that Carnival has become such a worldwide phenomenon and so it reaches many far places of the earth. The thing is every carnival brings their own unique vibes, it’s own personalised culture to the street to show diversity and unity of the Caribbean tradition.

Having said that it also means you can’t and won’t wanna miss one or you may end up with serious PMD (Playing Mas Deficiency) or commonly known as Loss of GettingOnBad-itis

Most people get around 4/5 weeks paid holiday from work out of 52 weeks a year… If Mr Hogan from year 8 maths serves me right that’s roughly 1/12 of your year to go an enjoy the fruits of your labour.

ONE BLASTED TWELFTH!!!!!

So excuse me if I don’t want to spend it aimlessly lying on a beach or jet skiing, or taking mountain hikes or skiing. Don’t get me wrong those are lovely ways to spend your spare time but me?!

I JUST WANNA WINE IN SOMEBODY FETE!!!

I want to have those epic memories on the road that no-one can replace.

2. Why is everyone grinding on each other?

Look from before you or I graced this planet our ancestors created a dance where your hips gyrate in a circular motion to the beat of the rhythm. This doesn’t happen with everyone but that’s called ‘dancing outta time’ and that’s a whole new article in itself.

In most instances when you come back from a carnival there is always sniper footage of you whining on someone at carnival, and these are usually the pics your non- carnival friends choose to pick on. The questions like ‘oooo who is that?’ ‘Omg that’s a bit much’ ‘how you do that if you don’t know them?’

Look judgemental Jane. Wining on someone is not vulgar grinding… Even if some peoples versions may look the same.

In the Caribbean world it’s just a dance, nothing sordid or forbidden, a far cry from what outsiders deem it to be. I mean I know some people does real jam people and all kinda drop and de ground but it’s all in good fun so if someone comes to take a wine just wine, no-one is asking for your hand in marriage (unless yuh wine is sweeeeeet)

CHECK OUT PART 2 NOW

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Have you been asked these questions? How did you answer them?

Don’t for get to look out for more questions coming soon.